I started going to Rocky Mountain National Park (RMNP) in Colorado with my family when I was 7 years old and have been there on vacation almost every year since. It has deeply shaped me. Of the valuable lessons learned there, one of the most important was about setting goals and being smart about the means to achieve them. I remember my Dad getting out the park map (with John Denver’s Rocky Mountain High playing in the background) and circling all the peaks and lakes we were going to hike each summer. All perfectly scheduled so that the hardest goals were near the end of our vacation time, thus giving our bodies time to acclimate to the higher altitude. And with each goal met, there was a promised reward: a badge of the destination like the one pictured here that Mom would sew on my backpack. Little badges to boast in about met goals. It formed in me a destination (or goal-driven) orientation that has served me well in our badge-filled backpack culture.
I’m not denigrating this destination orientation. The Bible has much positive to say about it. But more on that next week. But there is a dark side to this destination orientation as well.
1. A destination orientation rarely delivers what we really want. We’ve been taking our daughters to RMNP since they were very young. Each year as we enter the park, I recount for them the time when my Dad and I climbed three of the most predominant peaks in one day. Here’s how that conversation goes down:
“See those three mountains over there? When I was your age I climbed those with your Grandpa in one day!”
“Neat Dad.”
“Umm….neat? My feet were bleeding from all the blisters!”
“Wow.”
“And,” hyperbolically, “we were caught in a lightning storm and almost died!”
Long pause.
“Dad?”
“Yep!?”
“Can we get ice cream today?”
See, I want my backpack badges to bring me more than they can. I want them to bring me value just like we want other destinations like retirement or owning a home or acquiring a big portfolio to fulfill our deeper longings for joy and freedom and security and peace and belonging. But they just don’t deliver. Not in any lasting way. (Pssst….the Bible calls this idolatry.)
2. A destination orientation can breed self-righteousness or self-loathing. I decided to post the “Bear Lake” badge not because I want you to think that I’m awesome for making it to that destination but because I would have NEVER had that badge sewn on my backpack growing up. See, you drive to Bear Lake. It’s a flat hundred yard walk from your car to it. Whenever my family would see someone with a Bear Lake badge on their backpack we would snicker and say: “Bear Lake, is for tourists. And we are not tourists!” So often our goal accomplishments become who we are. The pillars of our identity. And then we start evaluating the worth of our backpacks versus everyone else’s. Ugly self-righteousness or debilitating self-loathing is usually the result.
3. A destination orientation can make us miss grace. A few weeks ago our family was hiking up to one of those alpine lakes together and I noticed that fellow hikers on the way down from that lake (thus already having achieved their goal) would say to us: “You’re almost there! It’s worth it!” assuming the hike itself was just an inconvenient and uncomfortable means to the end. But then on the way down we passed two elderly (and wise) ladies on their way up and I noticed how much fun they were having along the way. They were enjoying the flowers and the streams and the sunshine. They were, in short, seeing grace in every every step where I was not. They enjoyed the journey. But in my focus on the badge, I didn’t.
Luke 10 gives the well-known story of Mary and Martha entertaining Jesus in their home. Martha (God love her) is decidedly destination oriented, scurrying about thinking her clean house and nice meal goals will impress Jesus, giving her an impressive backpack. But she’s miserable in the effort. She’s self-righteous toward her sister, Mary, who isn’t lifting a finger to help. And she’s missing “the one thing needful”, Jesus says. She’s missing the grace that’s right in front of her. Jesus kindly rebukes her: Stop. Listen. Learn. Linger. And receive my grace. It’s in Me and not your badges that you’ll find your deeper longings and know my love for you as you are.
That old John Denver song, Rocky Mountain High, has a line that my family used to sing with gusto but rarely lived by. “Now he walks in quiet solitude, the forest and the streams, seeking grace in every step he takes.” As the subtitle of this website/blog attests, this is my deep desire for this next season of my long walk with Jesus. To release my tight grip on the destinations I think will meet my deeper longings and to listen to, learn from and linger at Jesus’ feet. Maybe you want that too.
But if you’re like me, our destination orientation is so strong, you may not know how. My hope is that over the next several weeks (in parts 3-6 of this post) we will begin to learn together how to “seek grace in every step we take”, finding what we truly long for and knowing who we truly are in Him. I hope you’ll join me.
Jay, what A thoughtful post. I have a few friends who are “mountaineers,” and they train for months, sometimes longer to summit peaks around the globe. There is always disappointment when they don’t get to the peak, even if they are just 200 meters shy. Its astounding that they would consider all the time, effort and camaraderie on the way up as a failure for falling short of making it to the top. That is an easy way for me to see your point. But as a parent, I find myself barking advice about “setting goals and sticking to them,” to my kids. In the hyper competitive life of teens, we lecture them to set ambitious goals, but offer little comfort when they don’t achieve those. I try not to think of those as “failures,” but that is the language we often couch things in and it takes a lot of reminding to stop using “failure.” Appreciating the lessons learned and experiences had along the path is a great practice to work on whether in your personal or professional life. Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks Neeta! It’s hard not to set our kids up for the dangers I mention in the post, especially since the goal-driven culture will reinforce their pursuit of goals over and over again. Obviously, it’s good to set goals and encourage our kids towards excellence, but I do think that needs to be balanced with a deep understanding that their identity doesn’t stand or fall on whether those goals are met.
Such a fantastic post. I’m honored to have been part of that journey Jay. I also recall the long car rides and belting out “Take me home country roads” with the whole family and laughing as my Dad couldn’t carry a tune. It’s the journey.
Love hearing from your heart, Jay. Thanks for inviting us along on your next adventure! I could stand to learn a thing or two about loosening my grip on the destination. Looking forward to soaking up whatever learnings you share